Geez, I can't believe that it's been almost a year and a half since Atariman's School of Maniacal Conversation burned to the ground. After receiving a grant from the government (Anon.. erm. "Borrowed" a bit of money from the bank. With a sawed-off shotgun), Atariman is please to announce that school is once again in session! So try not to froth at the mouth while lustily practicing your maniacal conversation!
Lesson 1 -- Mind Preparation -- while adding a dash of mercury to your coffee or perhaps a few good whacks to the head from a hammer may be the most common ways of achieving insanity, I do not necessarily agree with these methods. After all -- the hammer method usually creates a bit of a mess, and who wants to clean that up?
The best way to get ready is to just let your mind play a little russian roulette and randomly think of odd thoughts. They don't need to make sense: After all, we're trying to go mad!
Lesson 2 -- Basic Sentence Construction -- Just make up a random, simple sentence. It's always good to start with something that is extremely basic. An example: "The dog enjoys the brick". This sentence, although a bit odd, isn't that fantastic. But that's ok -- we haven't reached "raving lunatic" status yet.
Lesson 3 -- Souping it up a bit -- Well, by now you should have a basic sentence in mind. Now we want to add adjectives, adverbs, etc to help add a little 'zing'. Lets take our previous example of "The dog enjoys the brick." By adding a few things here and there, we can take a peculiar sentence and amplify this status to absurd. For example: "The blue dog enjoys the sound of bricks eating monkey-shined wooden coins." While this may not be the perfect sentence from a lunatic, it is important to remember that this sort of thing takes practice. And a little acid might help, too.
So in three easy lessons, you may not be a professional, but I have taught you the basics. Practice every day and remember -- if the women don't find you handsome, they'll at least find you eating pepper-filled twinkies"
